Parents- Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

In my view, homo sapiens, as a species, just doesn’t cover being a parent. One needs to upgrade and formulate a new species altogether with a sub-species of Indian parents. As soon as you make another human being- booyah, you are upgraded! The new species come with a packet of almonds and a handbook to parenting and how to fuck up your kid, and admission forms of the best primary schools in India, because who are we kidding, one needs to get a head start on that. But as an adult, who still gets 3 calls a day from her parents, there are few things I would like to say to them, provided they listen and don’t talk over or dismiss me with an odd task that really needs to be done right at the moment when I am sharing my views. But if, the world is one day taken over by technology and my parents’ figure out how internet works, get online, search my blog, the name of which they remember and get on it, here is what I would say to them,

  1. Not everything on Whatsapp is true. No, the XYZ cold-drink is not laced with a deadly virus.
  2. There is a thing called Fake News.
  3. When I say I have eaten, it means I had a packet of chips, a bowl of Maggie, and spoonful of peanut butter.
  4. I don’t do laundry every week.
  5. Delhi Belly wasn’t a bad film.
  6. The political party you support are a group of sexist, racist goons.
  7. Not everyone goes to Goa to smoke, drink and take drugs.
  8. Religion is not my priority. Being a good person is.
  9. Yes, I stay up late. I don’t know how I go to work in the morning.
  10. Marriage is not for everyone. And that’s okay.
  11. I know about sex. I have had sex. Sex is natural. Pre-marital sex is not a sin.
  12. I will not marry every guy I date. Yes, I will have multiple relationships.
  13. Homosexuality is okay. Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t make it wrong.
  14. No, I don’t want to take this back home. I will never eat it and throw it out, the day before your visit.
  15. The full form of GPS is global positioning system.
  16. Yes, I switched off the geyser.
  17. Go get a hobby. I worry about you. Do something more.
  18. I am an independent person. I like my space. I am not lonely. My priorities are different than yours, I want a different life.
  19. I do miss you. I love you. But my love doesn’t guarantee obedience. And my disagreement is not a sign of disrespect.
  20. Thank you for everything you have done for me.
  21. Yes! I really want gajar ka halwa.